:: it's a scary world: rants from a chemically imbalanced mind ::

:: Wednesday, February 27, 2002 ::

YES YES YES YES YES!! FINALLY, news from the grammys to write home to mom about! can you absofreakinglutely believe this?!?! album of the year.... o brother, where art thou? producer of the year..... t bone burnett for the aforementioned cd?!?!?! YEEHAA!!! wow... it ALMOST makes up for the year jethro tull won the best hard rock performance award over metallica....... (almost.... but admit it - they will NEVER be able to make up for that abomination of judgement.).... if you have NO idea what i'm talking about and the title o brother, where art thou? rings no bells in your noggin, listen up, pilgrim - run, DO NOT WALK, RUN to your nearest video rental outlet and grab... no, strike that. screw rentals. this one is a keeper, trust me. so go to best buy, or circuit city or wherever your retailer of choice is and BUY the dvd of o brother, where art thou?..... here, i'll give you a headstart - order it on the web HERE... i get nothing from it, they are just the cheapest place on the web, they got free shipping and if you don't mind waiting an extra couple of days, the dollar savings are worth it, in my never humble opinion...... if you don't own a dvd player, GO BUY a dvd player THEN go buy OBWAT....... you will NEVER regret it, i promise you... believe me, if this doesn't win an oscar for picture of the year, there is truly no justice left in the world...... if you have ANY trace of a soul in your body, you'll love this movie and adore this music.... c'mon, i'm an agnostic and i can't HELP but sing along to the gospel tracks!!! beautiful music is beautiful music, period. and this movie is a PRIME piece to showoff a dolby digital 5.1 system..... the story is basically a retelling of the odyssey updated to depression era america.... it's a riot, great story, great acting and i know this guy, ryan.... man, its freakish but clooney in obwat is a dead ringer for this guy in looks AND speech/mannerisms... it's a giggle, my chillun, it's a giggle....... (oh tall paul, where for art thou, yabigdumbfucker..... [it's okay, that's an inside joke, yer not meant to get it... if he's out there, that'll flush him out into the open!])
 

:: Shaman 2/27/2002 11:48:57 PM [+] ::
...

sally struthers time..... children are dying every minute of every day of disease and starvation.... etc etc etc you get the picture.... but MEANWHILE here in the good ole u s of a, we got the OOOlympics! READ AND BE SICKENED!! ooooooh yea.... as the kool-aid pitcher would say..... NOW... if we'd taken that money and applied it to worthwhile causes and needy groups, i wouldn't have had to listen to crap on the news all week.... come ON people! SNOWBOARDING?!?! an olympic sport?!?! I THINK NOT! for god's sake, it's just a bunch of damned stoners with sleds!!! hell, if it wasn't an olympic event, they'd be just as thrilled to stay up in the mountains, hittin' the bong and sliding down the slopes!!! jesus. and speed skating. yea, put a pair of ice skates on me and drop me on the ice.... i'll SHOW you speed..... my entire body in one jumbled mass zipping straight across the ice out of control..... BUT speed, nonetheless..... again, NOT a damned sport, people! a sport involves a competition between teams for point objectives.... a back and forth, if you will..... skating seems to be more of a talent show, imho.....
 

:: Shaman 2/26/2002 12:31:32 AM [+] ::
...

PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN!!!!!! if i had a dollar for every jock i've replaced with a computer...... well, i wouldn't be rich but i'd certainly be depressed as hell.

clear channel.... we ARE the borg... prepare to be assimilated.
 

:: Shaman 2/25/2002 10:45:08 AM [+] ::
...

amusing yet unnerving thought for the day..... the picture below is of a packet of heroin..... picked up from a street dealer in ..... new york.... oh, that is some TWISTED shit, my brothers and sisters...... now ME, if i'm an american heroin addict looking for a quick fix, i'd think that something which seems to support osama and his merry men is NOT going to be on the top of my list for purchase...... call me wacky but that's the way i'm seeing it..... of course, i'm not a heroin addict so what the hell do i know.... maybe terrorism and politics become a moot point once the white monkey is on your back...... well, at least it looks that way if you watch 'sid & nancy' .... he. he. he. stupid yet disturbing fact for the day....... three cigarettes contain enough nicotine to kill a human.... 60 to 70 milligrams of pure nicotine will kill a human within 60 minutes if ingested orally....... great. just what i need to hear as i light my 7th camel of the morning.......... argh. (i smoke camel ultra lights... which since they are camels, are about the equivalent of a marlboro light... which coincidentally, is about the equivalent of sucking the ass of a llama.... GOD how you people smoke marlboros is beyond me..... to call it a cigarette is a kindness... more like rolled bat guano)..... but i guess by their very nature, vices SHOULD be somewhat detrimental to your health..... otherwise, they just wouldn't be much fun.



 

:: Shaman 2/24/2002 09:22:07 AM [+] ::
...

DAMNit! isn't there ANYONE out there willing to permanently silence this rotten asshole??!! as we all know, i don't believe in a omnipotent, omniscient god who wants nothing more than the saccharine adoration of his followers ....... BUT...... if there is a god, i'd like to think he's got a special room in hell reserved for robertson and all his little cronies.... but in the end, robertson's very existence is definitive proof to me of the non-existence of god.... because there is NO way ANY sane being, all-powerful or not, would ever INTENTIONALLY create an abomination such as pat 'unless yer white and southern yer goin' ta hell!' robertson... no... just wouldn't happen. therefore, final proof that we are all independent creatures with our own free will and may do with our destinies as we please. brutish independent creatures who don't deserve the ball of dirt we live on... but independent nonetheless. and on a less philosophical note.... i normally couldn't give a shit less (is that a double negative??) about local news here (and god KNOWS we all know my feelings on sports in general - "those than can, do. those that can't, play sports".... and i must attribute that or something very similar to it's true source... my dad.... he held uk sports in the same disdain and disgust that i do.... did i mention he was a dept head at uk before he died? hehehehe.... the athletics dept really didn't like dad.... or so he told me) but this kinda sticks in my craw.... thank god my father's not alive to see it... READ ON, oh ye seekers of knowledge.... could somebody tell me since WHEN did $130,000 become a fashionable retirement gift?!?!?! only in lexington, kentucky and ONLY at the university of kentucky.... where the motto must be something akin to "screw the education, we need better free throw players!!!".....
 

:: Shaman 2/23/2002 06:41:05 AM [+] ::
...

it's a very sad day for cartoon fans everywhere.... chuck jones has passed on ..... call me a softie but i'm a die-hard warner brothers man...... it AIN'T no small world after all, kids... it's a world filled with flying anvils, fake scenery and cliffs that disappear out from under you.
 

:: Shaman 2/23/2002 06:33:14 AM [+] ::
...

okay, let me get this straight... the same government that wants us to believe that they just want to make things SAFE and make sure everyone is treated equally:

WASHINGTON, Feb. 20 — Airlines no longer can speed frequent fliers through special lines at security checkpoints. In one of its first acts since taking over responsibility for airline security on Sunday, the Transportation Security Administration said it was ending airlines’ efforts to allow certain passengers, primarily frequent flier and those paying first-class or business-class fares, to avoid lengthy waits. “ONE OF THE policy changes we have made is to have no special lines at checkpoints,” agency spokesman Jim Mitchell said. “We need to be able to take care of all passengers and we need to have a standard way of dealing with security.”

at the same time allows THIS shit to go on:

WASHINGTON, Feb. 19 — Health and Human Services Secretary Tommy Thompson feels terrible about cutting in front of airline passengers waiting to be cleared through security, his spokesman said Tuesday. Thompson went past scores of passengers to catch a 4:30 p.m. United Airlines flight last Friday at Reagan National Airport. He was on his way to a Lincoln Day Dinner/Republican Party fund-raiser in DuPage County, Ill. Some passengers had been waiting in line 40 minutes and at least one was angry enough to call a newspaper to complain.

ladies and gents, i give you the bush white house.... brought to you by enron.... and shell..... and marathon..... and anyone else willing to pay the toll..... easily the most two-faced administration in the last couple of decades or so. and i don't care HOW bad tommy felt, he apparently didn't feel bad enough NOT to do it.
 

:: Shaman 2/21/2002 12:27:45 AM [+] ::
...

HERE, HERE!!!! god forbid, i agree with anyone in bush's misbegotten administration BUT it's nice to see someone with some apparent intelligence saying the right thing!!! READ THIS for more info.... meanwhile, back on the ranch.... bitch time.... things that get right up my ass and stick.... let's see.... people who carry on hour long conversations on their cell phones while driving..... you all deserve to have a semi jump the fucking median and crush you to the size of a small squash...... and i mean that from the bottom of my cold, dark little heart. is there anything THAT important that you need to dedicate more attention to talking than driving? no. didn't think so. fine, if you've got a relative who's suddenly being rushed to the emergency room, be my guest..... but if you're worried about getting hold of a client to clinch a $50,000 deal, KISS MY ASS, you sorry waste of protoplasm! be considerate and pull OVER to the shoulder and talk..... pull over to a rest stop... hell, pull over at the nearest gas station! just GET OFF THE ROAD! show some consideration for the rest of humanity or else..... because the next time you're on the road talking to your best friend, driving 55 in the left hand fast lane (what is it with indiana people?!?! do you people ONLY know how to drive in the left lane?? but that's another bitch session.....) and you notice a little black compact car riding your ass and screaming his guts out because you're poking along in the aforementioned FAST lane, odds are good it's me.... and i guarantee you, by the time i finish acting the fool, you'll be off the phone. i promise. idiots.

and now that i've emptied just a little more of the black bile in my heart onto the web, let me suggest that you all run out immeditately and pick up the cd soundtrack to "Our Man Flint" / "In Like Flint"..... two of the GREATEST movies ever filmed starring james coburn from the mid-sixties..... america's answer to james bond.... cutesy, yes.... outrageous, yes..... sarcastic, yes..... but 3 hours of some of the coolest weapons and the coolest sixties lounge music you could ever want to hear. trust me.

and yes, i know i've bitched about people driving while talking before..... but you morons KEEP DOING IT!
 

:: Shaman 2/20/2002 11:49:41 AM [+] ::
...

oh MY oh my! it's just bad news all around for fans of nose candy all around the world.... READ THIS ..... oh bad bad news for you people .... and you know who you are..... cocaine... one of those oh so popular things in life that i have just NEVER been able to grasp.... all kidding aside - being dumb enough to light a stick of burning leaves and inhale it is one thing but what on GOD'S GREEN EARTH would ever possess someone to SNORT white powder (which basically resembles borax 20 mule team detergent to me) UP their nose!!! c'mon people! we spend most of our lives trying to get things OUT of our noses! hence all the popular culture amusement over picking boogers! why do you want to be putting something back up it?!?! thank you but no.... i have enough problems with my allergies as it is...... and let's face facts, i am not the guy you would ever want to get wired on cocaine..... hehehehehe..... it's not like i don't bounce off the walls all day long anyway..... hell, i spend my life in pursuit of the constant act of SLOWING down...... just always remember the cute cliche from the seventies - speed kills..... why hurry..... then again... why ask why..... i think i need more coffee.
 

:: Shaman 2/17/2002 10:11:09 AM [+] ::
...

ladies and gentlemen... i give you our vice president... a lying sack of shit ... *read the hyperlink, lamont*...... um.... am i the ONLY one who's been reading article after article in recent weeks reporting on all the major gov'ts coming out with public statements basically WARNING bush not to just start firing blindly?!?! jesus h christ! are we THAT big? so big that we can tell the rest of the civilized world to kiss our ass, we're going after whoever we want??!! i don't THINK so...... godDAMMIT i wish the bush boys would work out their penis size issues somewhere BESIDES the us gov't! for god's sake, his father was bad enough but dubya here not only has to get over his apparent physical shortcomings (how ELSE can you explain most of his behavior in his personal AND public life!) but he's got to live up to daddy's legacy! or would that be live down to daddy's legacy? hmmm.... food for thought.... ya know, god KNOWS i don't like getting older but i pray for the next two years to jet by at the speed of light because i'd like to think there is NO way the american public would vote him back into the white house.... and by god, if they do, they deserve what they get..... and i say they because i'd really like to think that any bush supporter who might stumble in here would run screaming in agony after a maximum of two sentences from me...... it's not like i can go twenty minutes without spewing vitriolic hatred for bush senior and all his mutated offspring anyway .... (which should be apparent by the double domain - some of you may not realize you can also reach this site by linking to http://www.bushistheantichrist.com)..... oh and the nevada thing was just beautiful..... yea, THAT'S it, dubya... let's put it ALL in one place! then if the terrorists want to REALLY want to start some shit, they've got simple one stop shopping..... or bombing..... i'm figuring a waste dump like that - one good small dirty nuke in the midst of that dump and that shits hanging in the atmosphere for at LEAST a few months if not much longer depending on weather conditions...... hell, you could be the man who goes down in history as the moron who killed the human race... wouldn't be much of a history at that point but it'd be something, i guess..... i've said it before and i'll say it again - i'm clint stark... the main antagonist in seven faces of dr lao .... i WANT to believe in the goodness of humans... and i WANT to believe that we can all get along.... i WANT to be wrong... but i know better... we're beasts.... beasts who've learned to walk upright and mimic intelligent beings but at our core, we're just ugly, brutal animals who, quite often, just need to be put down like mad dogs.
 

:: Shaman 2/16/2002 01:55:15 AM [+] ::
...

and if you had ANY doubt before, THIS is proof positive that only a fool would fly on american airlines...... having sex in-flight is one thing but HOW in the name of god do you successfully get CRACK COCAINE on-board an international flight without getting busted?!?!?! checkers and security who don't give a shit because it's not their ass on the line.... that's how.......
 

:: Shaman 2/14/2002 07:47:49 AM [+] ::
...

THIS could give a whole new meaning to "valentine's day massacre"...... what WILL those wacky arabs think of NEXT?!?!?!
 

:: Shaman 2/14/2002 12:16:48 AM [+] ::
...

and the catch phrase for the week is.................

ooh. shiny.
 

:: Shaman 2/12/2002 08:11:03 PM [+] ::
...

oh joy. scientists have stumbled upon an incredible find..... dinosaur vomit....... oh boy..... aren't we still looking for cures to cancer, aids and lousy car mileage??? i realize the whole "we need to understand the planet and the past better" thing makes sense but dinosaur vomit??!! do we REALLY give a shit what barney ate for his last meal?? jesus.
 

:: Shaman 2/12/2002 09:49:35 AM [+] ::
...

no, no, no, no, NO... this is NOT good news..... does not fit in at ALL with my "live life to excess because soon they'll be able to clone our parts for replacement and i'll have the lungs and heart done first" life-plan, dammit!!!!!!! what does it TAKE for a major medical breakthrough these days?!?! see, the problem is - you have HEALTHY people working on the problems! find a bunch of terminally ill, chain-smoking scientists and THEN you'll have some of these problems solved PRONTO! put somebody in that lab who's got a stake in this whole thing! not some namby-pamby wuss who doesn't drink, doesn't smoke and lives the good, pious life........ screw them! if they want to squander their existence, so be it! but get your lax attitude out of the labs! chop - chop! c'mon - we need a viable, practical organ cloning solution NOW! ....... or at least sometime in the next 15 years..... i figure i can hold out at LEAST that long.
 

:: Shaman 2/10/2002 09:09:24 PM [+] ::
...

sound clip of the day: HUGZ
 

:: Shaman 2/08/2002 11:35:56 PM [+] ::
...

hehehe... i love techotoys.... you'll notice on the left hand menu, there is a new option - aim express.... what the hell is that, you might ask... or you might not..... but regardless.... ever been somewhere... best buy... a friend's house.. wherever... someplace with a pc and net access..... and you'd like to check to see if so and so is online to ask them a quick question... BUT no aim on the pc.... and you dare not install something on someone else's pc because that's worse than cattle rustling and rape.... (not quite as bad as cattle raping though... isn't that the rock ridge number six???) .... VOILA! aim express! a java based aim client which you can sign on via the web with no install and of course, your buddy list is hosted server-side with aol so it goes wherever you go..... yea, it's geeky but again, i love technotoys.... apparently this has been around awhile but aol doesn't point it out a lot... no advertisements built in to it..... and aol wants those click-thrus so they can get that big fat check each quarter! not like aol isn't a big enough money vacuum right now..... i really have a problem with aol right now... just a little hostility... it's this whole trillian vs. aol instant messaging thing... long story but you can read all about it right here if you are so inclined........ just thought i'd pass the toy along in case anyone else wanted to use it..... enjoy!
 

:: Shaman 2/08/2002 09:28:25 PM [+] ::
...

ONLY the british could be SOOOOOOOOO fucking arrogant as to believe that one of them OWNS the patent on hyperlinks!!!!! for the technically challenged, a hyperlink is a word, phrase or image on a web page that when clicked on, takes you to another page..... yea, THOSE things.... the things that are on basically every single web page in existence..... and THESE idiots think they own the patent on it! we should've just gone right back over there after the revolutionary war and cleaned house..... (by the way, the word 'these' in the preceding sentence was a hyperlink.... see, not only do you get to be amused when you come here, you get to learn something!).... so... the next brit you run into, ridicule them..... not just for the whole hyperlink affair but for all the other stupid ideas they've come up with... like fish and chips.... chips are big, salty, greasy flat discs that you eat with sandwiches. NOT little crumbly pieces of unknown material that you eat with your fish in a newspaper.... and the whole monarchy thing - i mean REALLY.... when was the last time the monarchy did anything important or meaningful in britain??!! okay, besides provide us with lots of late night tv jokes pertaining to charles and diana.....
 

:: Shaman 2/08/2002 04:11:22 PM [+] ::
...

QUICK! name this tune!

doooo wOOOOOOOO woooo woo woo woo woooooo.... dooo doooooo wOOOOOO wooo wooo wooo wooo woooooooo.... wooooo, woooo wooo wooo wooo woo WOOO WOOOOOOO WOOOOOOO
 

:: Shaman 2/01/2002 09:35:20 PM [+] ::
...