:: it's a scary world: rants from a chemically imbalanced mind ::

:: Sunday, March 31, 2002 ::

here's your 'sunday morning, grab my coffee and a smoke and listen to npr' link - http://www.npr.org/programs/morning/features/2001/dec/lovett/011204.lyle.lovett.html

trust me, you'll enjoy it...... its a 9 minute conversation between lyle lovett and npr's bob edwards..... dig it.... meanwhile, i'm going back to keep an eye on the news... if israel keeps up this silly shit, we may end up in world war iii yet....
 

:: Shaman 3/31/2002 10:57:07 AM [+] ::
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i was attacked suddenly by an urge to watch judge dredd, the movie......

thankfully, i fought it and won.
 

:: Shaman 3/30/2002 11:28:02 PM [+] ::
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and there ya go.... further proof of the non-existence of god...... today, milton berle died at the age of 93 AND as if that wasn't bad enough, dudley moore died today at the age of 66... see, if there WAS a god, i find it hard to believe he'd be sick and cruel enough to take two such funny men in one 24 hour period..... and yes, i'm serious..... there's a lot of "funny" comedians and actors out there nowadays but face facts - there aren't many truly FUNNY! comedians and actors still around.... on the whole, they've either died of old age or been done in by their vices..... with the exception of sam kinison - stupidly killed by a drunk driver... kinison died, the driver walked away.... and bill hicks - the greatest comedic mind of this generation... because he wasn't really TRYING to be funny... he was just commenting on the world around us... and it happened to be funny.... (kilt' by COLON CANCER! tell me again about a kind, just and benevolent god??!!) ... sigh.... just in one of those rare reflective moods where my own mortality and age (yea, like i'm THAT old..!) suddenly occur to me as i see the people i grew up watching and laughing at ....... dieing. damn growing old sucks.
 

:: Shaman 3/27/2002 08:01:04 PM [+] ::
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a recent exchange with my favorite hairless ape:

shaman: hey, monkey - when you're older, are you going to be embarrassed and not like me because i'm such a freak?
monkeybutt: hmmmm..... i don't know.
shaman: well, let's put it this way - would you rather me be the weird, loud, obnoxious freak that i am or would you rather me be a boring old grown-up like most adults?
monkeybutt: ummm...... a freak.
shaman: okay.

and thus my path in life was decided for the remainder of it's duration..... or until it's warranty expires - whichever comes first. at least it's proof that i've had SOME kind of hand in her raising... of course, the reason i'm documenting this is so in about 6 years when she's whining "DAAAAAD! why do you have to be such a freak when my friends are over?!!?", i can print this out and say "you asked for it, monk-o.".
 

:: Shaman 3/25/2002 11:23:19 PM [+] ::
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okay, i normally don't comment much on new music.... afaic, it died for me somewhere around the mid 80s... when the good new wave stopped and the shitty pop watered new wave began...... pearl jam really does nothing for me but evoke thoughts of the doors.... nirvana was the single most highly overrated band in history... yes, they had their points.... but come back in 20 years and tell me what kind of lasting effect they've had..... but wow.... if you have not heard of andrew w.k. , listen up - i don't know exactly who the hell this kid is or what his deal is but he has got to be the love child of Sweet, T. Rex, Def Leppard, KISS and AC/DC! figure THAT one out.... it's got that uptempo happy kind of sweet thing in places... a serious brit glam rock feel, extremely simple chant-like lyrics which take about 3 listens to memorize, a hard edged metal voice thing along with a serious wall of guitar sound... he's distilled all the best qualities of heavy metal, glam rock and eighties hair band rock and left out all the bad things! no power ballads, no love songs, no fancy intricate displays of guitar prowess (the rednecks are gonna LOVE this shit!).... it's really terribly, terribly addictive..... wow...... and see, i gave up on rock pretty much when zeppelin foundered...... dig it, if you get the chance... just hit your nearest kazaa.... or you can trip over to best buy where we hired the most uninformed people we can find when it comes out in stores tuesday.... but hell, why wait :)

god i love broadband. i really, really do.
 

:: Shaman 3/24/2002 06:00:05 PM [+] ::
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we'll call this entry - "i was a backstage betty for tenacious d!"...... got to go to the tenacious d show last night in the ville (they opened for some guy named.... baby rock ... or kid flintstone or something like that... but he wasn't important - only the D mattered.....) KILLER rawk show - did explosivo, tribute, FLASH GORDON!!! FLASH..... AAAAAHHHHHH... SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE!!! and oh so much more..... the only thing that was better than the show was getting to say hi to jables and kg after the show, shaking hands and getting them to sign a copy of my reverend's license - conversation went something like this:

Shaman: 'S really an honor to meet you guys - the show was aMAzing, dude!
Jables: Thanks....
S: Was wondering if you'd sign my rev's license?
J: What? Sign your what? (flips it over, reads it as i hand it to him and grins)
S: My reverend's license - I had Bruce Campbell sign one a few months ago and figured it'd be cool as hell to have you two sign one too!
J: (looks at license in amusement) Wow.... so yer a reverend and you even got the black shirt/black leather jacket thing goin' on - too bad you didn't wear the collar too....
S: Nah, I went with the pentacle instead...
J: (looks up and gets a little surprised look at my necklace) OH! heheheh... that's cool....




and he promptly drew a little upside-down cross complete with a "666" around it next to his sig.... hehehehehe. Nice to see there's a few people in the world who've still got a sense of humor! nice to know i can catch somebody like jack black a little by surprise hehehehehe...... and OH my god... the FINE FINE examples of generations of cross-breeding family genes that were there for the kid rock show were TERRIFYING! like bill kelly used to say, ladies - if you can't fit ONE thigh into a skirt, DON'T try to fit BOTH thighs into it! fuck - ing - scary. and the men all looked like they were about to spontaneously combust... and the only way they seemed to be able to get rid of that excess whatever was to walk thru the halls occasionally screaming "WOOOOOOOOO!!!!" and THAT is one of the reasons i don't normally do concerts.... humans scare me. badly. they're ugly, they smell funny and they act funny. and not funny in a 'ha, ha' way.... we're talking funny in a 'get yer tongue outta yer brother's mouth" way ...... hrrmm...... well worth the drive and coming out of my monkish existence in the basement for a night..... matter of fact it reminded how much i do occasionally enjoy a good concert...... wish to hell i'd done the zombie show back in december now..... shit..... being a hermit ain't easy kids and i don't recommend it for everyone..... seems to work for me though...... (and the best thing about the show besides the actual tuneage and the meet? me and clint had third row center for the show..... daaaaaamn....)
 

:: Shaman 3/24/2002 08:32:51 AM [+] ::
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god.... a little stroll down melody invoked memory lane..... doug and the slugs were keeeeewwwwwllll... and amazing enough, they still hold up in the year 2002! you might know them as the singers of "the norm show" theme.... you know - too bad that you had to get caught... that's not like you to lose face... so sad that yer not as smart as you thought you were in the first place........ except there's a hell of a lot more words than that, thank you very much...... and of course, their actual "hit" - makin' it work..... WHAT a great song..... which as i write this and trip down my melodic meanderings, i suddenly have had jonah in the belly of the whale pop into my skull..... where DID i leave that kazaa.....oh my god..... i forgot how stupidly cool this song was..... buncha white guys trying to sound like a rocking rasta band.... which they pulled off pretty well.... unless you ever saw the video... in which case the whole illusion was shot to hell in a handbasket....... too bad cuz the video WAS amusing nonetheless.... sigh.... my that was quite the multimedia little ramble....
 

:: Shaman 3/19/2002 09:30:42 PM [+] ::
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FINALLY! someone has come up with a worthwhile use for a macintosh computer! READ HERE and chuckle, my chillun...... because let's face facts - there ain't a DAMN thing you can do with a mac that you can't do with an intel x86 machine.... okay, maybe you won't get as many laughs and finger pointing as when you use a mac, but is that a bad thing?
 

:: Shaman 3/19/2002 02:45:50 PM [+] ::
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it's good to know that even during these troubled times, when american's everywhere are unsure exactly WHAT is going on, some things never change.... like that fact that our leaders - men who are voted into office for the protection, safekeeping and care of this country - STILL don't know how to act like adults! what in the HELL are these people thinking?!?! this is NOT some goddamned school playground where you strike back at little billy because he one upped you in the last game of dodgeball! READ THIS ....... you look at billy, you say 'nice job - point to you' and go on your merry way, you SICK fuckers! better luck next time - you win some, you lose some...... i just LOVE seeing republicans playing around with the future of this country because they're pissed off they couldn't get another extremist right-wing nutcase into the judicial branch of our government! and wonder of wonders, it's kentucky's very own ranking Republican Mitch McConnell who will block the Democrat's $1.5 million request for the Judiciary Committee.... lovely... one more fine example of kentucky in-breeding shows his ass in washington..... you want to know what kind of a right-wing wacko charles pickering is? READ ON, OH BELIGERENT ONES! c'mon, people! as a judge, he published an opinion portraying the "one-person, one-vote" doctrine as "obtrusive." OBTRUSIVE?!?!?! how in the name of all that is unholy did this backwards asshole get to be a judge in the FIRST PLACE?!?!?! enough.... i can feel my blood pressure inching up moment by moment the more i think about it.... and when you really get down to it, it ain't worth dying over.... you kiddies wanna play your games and leave a pile of crap for the next generation, feel free..... i have total faith in the fact that you'll get us all killed long before then anyway...... for the interested, HERE is the text of my email to senators mcconnell, daschle, leahy and hatch.....
 

:: Shaman 3/16/2002 09:07:57 AM [+] ::
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WOOHOO!!!! a reason NOT to fly!!! ladies and gentlemen, i give you the government of george dubya bush... once upon a time, this story might have surprised or shocked me...... not anymore.... not for a long, long time.... not in a world where the husbands and wives of 9/11 victims are bitching because they don't think the average 1.2 million dollars per family they're getting is enough.... uh, i'm REALLY sorry it happened... i wish it hadn't ... but it did... and there's not a DAMN thing anybody can REALLY do about it, when you get right down to the heart of the matter..... it's not the government's fault, it's not really the airline's fault (though what they define as security i wouldn't trust to keep a hampster safe...).... though i'm agnostic, as we all know, i'm gonna just call this one an ACT OF GOD... an unavoidable occurence... regrettable but UNAVOIDABLE.... if they want to get us they will..... SOOOoooo... could SOMEONE please explain to me WHERE these people think they get off DEMANDING more money! do you realize about how much the us soldiers who've died are going to get for their families? i'm told it's somewhere around the six thousand dollar mark.... THAT is obscene.
 

:: Shaman 3/12/2002 11:58:36 PM [+] ::
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WOOHOO!!!! a reason to fly!!! now THAT makes me want to book a flight to the furtherest point away from here TOMORROW! (and the FIRST one of you assholes that says a WORD......) and i've decided - if somebody i know gets to go, they'd BETTER damn well bring me back a space virus or some kind of killer mutagen!
 

:: Shaman 3/11/2002 11:45:32 PM [+] ::
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hehehehehehehe...........
 

:: Shaman 3/09/2002 10:51:45 AM [+] ::
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36 israelis and 107 palestinians dead so far TODAY... not this week, not this month... today. wow.... and i thought I had hate down to an art! these guys are pros.... well, i said it before and i'll say it again.... either they'll settle this shit and live in "peace" (as much peace as can ever be had between israelis and palestinians - let's face facts, i don't think either group WANTS to come to peace.... they appear to enjoy the fighting and killing too much....) or the palestinians will wipe out the israelis... oh, israel may have nukes, or so we're told, but i'd like to think that by the time they got desperate enough to use them, somebody would have already found a way to neutralize that particular threat.... on the other hand, you'll notice the almost 3 to 1 kill ratio i spoke of above.... impressive... doesn't quite live up to their promised "for every israeli life taken, we will kill 10 palestinians!" but impressive, nonetheless..... and on a sidenote - what kind of a nutball politician says THAT in a speech??!! but flipping back to the other hand again, israel might have time to get a nuke or two in the air but that's only two targets they can hit.... if you don't think the arab world would be ten feet down israel's throats before they had time to launch a third, you are crazy... sigh... kind of like a train wreck - you don't really want to know but you HAVE to look....
 

:: Shaman 3/08/2002 06:02:07 PM [+] ::
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and again i say, the world just gets worse with every human that populates it..... READ THIS ........ again, ONLY a woman would leave the poor bastard IMBEDDED in the windshield and come out occasionally to APOLOGIZE.... a man would've at least had the fucking decency to put bullet in his skull and end his misery if he had no intention of taking him for medical attention...... jesus....
 

:: Shaman 3/08/2002 11:17:37 AM [+] ::
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wow. at my age, with the life i've lived, with the people i've known, i REALLY did believe that i had pretty much seen it all.... it's not easy to shock or disgust me... the most perverse fetishes that curl an average human's hair? i turn away and crook my head with one of my patented "what? you were expecting better?" looks.... it's not that i approve, i just realize that you can't expect much better from walking, talking apes.... but holy shit. to quote dan ackroyd in 'twilight zone: the movie' - "You wanna see something REALLY scary??" ..... fact 1 - Homicide is the 15th leading cause of infant death in the United States. okay, the fact that it's even in the top FIFTY is scary as hell to me. i'm an ugly, violent natured and cold hearted monkeyboy but the very THOUGHT of intentionally hurting a child, esPECIALLY an INFANT, makes me physically ill! how in the name of "god" do you KILL an infant?! fact 2 - Among homicides during the first week of life, 82.6 percent occurred on the day of birth. which basically means, fathers - don't let your wife NEAR the child the day it's born!! okay, that's a little melodramatic but you'll see why in a minute. so basically, if you can make it past that first day, you JUST might make it to college someday. fact 3 - (and this one's a humdinger) - Approximately EIGHTY NINE PERCENT (89%!!!) of the known killers were FEMALE, TYPICALLY THE MOTHER! wow. i cannot count the number of females i have argued with in my life over their false belief/opinion that "Women aren't violent! We don't just kill things like men!". no, they just selectively weed out their offspring.... i'm sorry but any gender that can kill their own young, so easily, with malice aforethought is EASILY more violent than man, in my not-so-humble opinion... men just tend to spread the violence out over time and continents.... okay, i've freaked out enough.... if you want to read the full article, READ THIS .... if you'd rather stay in the dark about the whole thing.... well.... i really wouldn't blame you.
 

:: Shaman 3/08/2002 10:28:52 AM [+] ::
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oh my god. you can't be serious...... because there are a LOT of things i could see being transplanted in the human body but A UTERUS?!?!?!?! READ ON, true believer.......brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "honey, get that out of your mouth!! You don't know WHERE it's been!"...........
 

:: Shaman 3/07/2002 12:11:09 PM [+] ::
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as i crash for the night, i leave you with this earthshattering NEWS....

oh boy. a fossilized virus. guess the news people are starting to get bored with the "war"......... just checking here, but there's still starvation in the world, right? kids still die for stupid, unneeded reasons everyday, right? and wackos with religious causes still bomb abortion clinics and fly jets into buildings? and the reason we would actually give a shit about a fossilized bacteria is.............................?
 

:: Shaman 3/06/2002 11:59:07 PM [+] ::
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oh man oh man oh man.... i thought it would be neat.... i thought it would be cool to have... but i NEVER imagined in my wildest dreams it would be THIS abSOlutely friggin' mind-numbingly cool! if you have no idea what the evil dead is, go away.... you are a heathen.... an unclean one.... a deadite..... BUT if you are of the chosen... the followers of the bruce... then you realize what a holy grail this is... the new anchor bay limited edition the evil dead dvd necronomicon version!! a BEAUTIFUL replica of the necronomicon... aka the book of the dead.... written centuries ago by the mad arab, abdul azhrhad.... or so the legends go... the legends are real and supposedly, so is the book.... but the evil dead movies basically revolved around the book and the evil it unleashed... hehehehehe... DAMN i love that movie... because to me, all three are basically one continuous movie..... but the pictures say it all (you can click on the pics for bigger, more lucious, more detailed, more... well, you get the point).... sigh... if this ain't art, i don't know what is........





 

:: Shaman 3/05/2002 10:52:47 PM [+] ::
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karma is a BITCH. never forget that.

Linda Tripp, infamous for her involvement in the Monica Lewinsky sex scandal during former President Bill Clinton's White House administration, is being treated for breast cancer, her attorneys said Friday. No other details were given regarding her condition, Reuters reports.
 

:: Shaman 3/04/2002 05:01:26 PM [+] ::
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okay, maybe there IS something deeply flawed and broken in my soul... but EVERYtime i read the headline below, i can't help but start laughing out loud... and i know i'm not alone.... me and dave couldn't quit snickering for an hour.... if you'd like to find out if YOUR soul is black and twisted, click on the headline photo and test your sense of humor..... snicker, snicker.....


 

:: Shaman 3/02/2002 07:50:08 AM [+] ::
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okay, new project for shaman.... trying to figure out a way to lock out users from a specific domain who try to access any pages on my spage.com domain.... if anybody happens to wander by and read this who knows how this can be accomplished, feel free to drop me a line at spage@spage.com .... until i can make this happen or until it can be proven to me that it can't be done practically, this is my new mega-obsession.
 

:: Shaman 3/01/2002 11:19:17 AM [+] ::
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first off, i'd just like to go on record as saying - BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! dubya, how long did you think you could rape america behind the scenes and hand over the keys to the country to corporate concerns before one of your own people got sick and tired of it?!?! inbred dolt. karma is a bitch, george. oh and nice job on the foolishly definitive statement the other day in the press..... for those of you who don't know what's going on, general colin powell, the secretary of state, recently made statements in a speech to younger americans strongly supporting the use of condoms... which of COURSE set right wing america ablaze.... all i can hear now on the am dial is preachers screaming about colin powell destroying the youth of america and presenting a picture of discord in policy within the bush administration... so of COURSE to keep the bible thumpers and closet pedophiliacs happy, dubya came out with a 135 million dollar program to teach abstinence in school... first off, there's nothing to teach.... here's the first and only lesson: don't screw and you or your partner won't get pregnant.. now, where's my 135 mil, bitch. then dubya went on to make a VERY foolish definitive statement... something about "the ONLY way to prevent pregnancy and the spread of sexual diseases like aids is abstinence!"... uh, george, do you actually ever read a paper? here's an article you might want to check out... and yes, the article came after his speech but doctors have found similar cases in the past few years... kind of blows the whole abstinence thing to hell in a handbasket, eh... for god's sake, the woman hadn't had sex for TEN years, gets bit by her son during a seizure and now tests positive for the aids virus.... and what would you like to say to her, MISTER bush?
 

:: Shaman 3/01/2002 12:19:07 AM [+] ::
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