:: it's a scary world: rants from a chemically imbalanced mind ::

:: Sunday, September 29, 2002 ::

well, MY oh my! HERE'S an interesting little "test" to take...... the next time somebody screams about "racial profiling", hand them a copy and tell them to kindly SITDAFUCKDOWNANDSHUTDAFUCKUP!

now, on a similarly political note, FINALLY dubya comes out and admits it. this enTIRE goddamn debacle concerning iraq simply boils down to one thing -

"there's no doubt he can't stand us - after all, this is the guy that tried to kill my dad at one time"

click the above line to hear it in the moron's own voice. just when i think it can't get any more amusing in a tim burton kind of way, BANG! he comes up with something new to kick my blood pressure up a few nocks.... tell ya what, you got a bone to pick with saddam, junior? then wait till yer out of office, go hire about 10,000 REALLY big, ugly ex-NFL players and you go kick saddam's ass back to the fuckin' stone age.... BUT NOT ON OUR TIME WITH OUR TAXPAYER MONEY WITH OUR LIVES! and CERTAINLY not over some petty bullshit revenge factor! jesus h. christ. the ONLY solace i garner from this entire affair is the i KNOW history will bear me out and dubya will go down in history books as a horrible warning to future presidents.
 

:: Shaman 9/29/2002 09:49:03 AM [+] ::
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it's amazing the things i stumble across sometimes..... now, as we all know, shaman is a devout agnostic... and for the uneducated (because there seem to be an awful lot of those out there), that means i don't necessarily NOT believe in the existence of "god", i just don't believe one way or the other. which, in MY way of thinking, is more of a commitment in philosophy than a "believer". why, you ask? because i am willing to allow for BOTH possilities - the existence of a "god" and the NON existence of a "god". it depends entirely on my mood and how well my medication is working. hehe. webster's lists agnostic as:

ag·nos·tic Pronunciation Key (ag-nos-tik) - noun:

1. One who believes that it is impossible to know whether there is a God.
2. One who is skeptical about the existence of God but does not profess true atheism.

see, i am more than willing to consider the possibilty of "god", i just refuse to believe in the same one that the catholics and their statues, the baptists and their damn dunking, the mormons and their profligate debauchery, et all believe in! i have to fall back on the words of lazarus long here:

The most preposterous notion that H. sapiens has ever dreamed up is that the Lord God of Creation, Shaper and Ruler of all the Universes, wants the saccharine adoration of His creatures, can be swayed by their prayers, and becomes petulant if He does not receive this flattery. Yet this absurd fantasy, without a shred of evidence to bolster it, pays all the expenses of the oldest, largest, and least productive industry in all history.

God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent -- it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks, please. Cash and in small bills.

the words of lazarus long are some writings by robert heinlein from many years ago which, in my never humble opinion, are wise and sufficient enough to form the basis of a life philosophy, so to speak. if you're curious what else lazarus had to say, click here... somewhat tragically intelligent (and obvious) stuff there. but this was all going someplace... OH! a link i stumbled across in my wanderings early this morning - the bible gateway.... funky neat site.... do i believe in the stories in the bible? HELL no. do i allow for the possibility that they COULD be true? yes.... though i'd call it a snowball's chance in hell.... i do, however, consider it a really interesting read.... some great fables, some good stories yatta yatta...... i'm weary and need rest now. actually, i need to play some xbox football..... i like that idea much better
 

:: Shaman 9/28/2002 10:58:50 AM [+] ::
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oh my god. and you thought the LAST election was a travesty??? this just in off the wire, boys and girls....... welcum to amurica.


Get ready for reality television to head in a new direction. VARIETY reports today that politics and entertainment are about to collide to produce AMERICAN CANDIDATE for FX.

FX has teamed with producer R.J. Cutler (AMERICAN HIGH, THE WAR ROOM), producer Tom Lassally (TOTALLY HIDDEN VIDEO) and director Jay Roach (AUSTIN POWERS) to create a two-year series that will culminate in the American public choosing a truly "people's candidate" to run for president of the United States in 2004.


"It's a cross between THE WAR ROOM and AMERICAN IDOL, " Cutler says. "We will be making available to every American who is qualified, by virtue of the Constitution, the opportunity to run for president. We're trying to see if there's a young Abe Lincoln out there, somebody whose vision could turn on the public in an exciting way.”

Applicants will have to prove themselves worthy of the highest office in the land by filling out questionnaires, providing videos explaining why they would make a great president and putting together 50 supporters from their community who will sponsor their endeavor.

The screening process will get under way in early 2003, with the first of a minimum 13 episodes likely to air in January 2004.

The final episode will be an AMERICAN CANDIDATE convention, which will take place on the National Mall in Washington, D.C., around July 4, 2004. Viewers will determine the winning candidate in a live broadcast.
 

:: Shaman 9/21/2002 10:05:45 AM [+] ::
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7 webcams now online........... wow. impressive, if i do say so myself.... most recently added: the "now showing on cartoon network" cam! WOO! basically it just takes a live shot of what's showing on cartoon network every seven minutes (420 seconds, get it? a-huh, a-huh, a-huh)... it amused me, it presented a challenge, i couldn't resist. THAT'S why. because somebody inevitably asks me "WHY??"..... i'll bet sir hillary just bitch slapped people who asked that.... oh but to have lived in a more politically INcorrect time! you know... back when it was oKAY to bitch slap somebody for asking a stupid question. but i must remember my credo - "there ARE no stupid questions - only stupid PEOPLE!".... humans, mostly. yet, back to the cams.... i just keep hearing this little voice in the back of my head that keeps saying 'why aren't you making money doing this?? why aren't you setting up cams like this for a living?!?!'...... but i guess as long as the little voice isn't telling me to kill people in business suits, i'm okay ....... for now.......

oh and sidenote: if you've never heard of it or seen it, check out the now defunct fox tv show greg the bunny if you get a chance... i've downloaded all 11, made it thru two so far and have had some great belly laughs.... seth green is a comical fucking genius. i love that guy!
 

:: Shaman 9/19/2002 10:52:42 PM [+] ::
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humans are fucking SHEEP! CHRIST! as a race, humans leave so much to be desired that our taking up space on this planet is simply an affront to the rest of the known and unknown universe. that fucking simple. and what has set me off on this latest tirade on homo sapiens? MOVIES! i walk into schlockbuster video today to take back a couple of movies and maybe find another one to watch... HEY! i'll pick up 'death to smoochy' and dig it! so i stroll over to the shelf.... hmmm... plenty of copies in since it just came out today.... hmm... this can't be right... they're all FULL SCREEN copies.... so i walk up to the counter to find a semi-intelligent example of the species to help me find a WIDESCREEN copy. the conversation went something like this:

me: yes, i'm trying to find a widescreen copy of 'death to smoochy' and can't seem to
find one - do you carry it here?
the idiot: hmmm... well, let's go see if we's can find one.
me: well, i looked and all i saw were pan & scan copies.
the idiot: well, sometimes we do that if two versions are available.
me: WHAT?!?! why the hell would you do that?!
the idiot: well, people don't like those black bar thingies. me, i hates 'em.
me: uh, you DO realize you're missing part of the full picture, right?
the idiot: oh, yea, what - like maybe a few inches?!
me: uh, ma'am, have you ever seen blazing saddles?
the idiot: oh yea, i LOVE that movie!
me: have you ever seen it in widescreen?
the idiot: uh, no.
me: you know the part where cleavon and gene wilder are talking back and forth over the
table to each other?
the idiot: oh yea! dat's funny!
me: you know how they flip back and forth between their two faces?
the idiot: yea....
me: THAT'S NOT WHAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE!!!!
the idiot: huh?
me: it's supposed to be a large image with them on either side of the screen conversing!!
it's a verbal handoff that FAILS miserably when seen in pan and scan!!!
the idiot: huh. didn't know that. hate those black bars though.
me: do you realize that widescreen is how the director MEANT for you to see it?!
the idiot: here ya go! we have the vhs!!
me: OH MY GOD! why the HELL would i want vhs in PAN & SCAN?!?!

at which point i stormed out of the store while she yelled "but sir, what about your late fees!!!". to which i replied "if you're dumb enough to enjoy pan & scan, you're dumb
enough to pay my fees for me." exit store. WHY in the HELL do humans keep breeding?!?! yea, maybe we produce a few geniuses in the overall population every once in a while but is it REALLY worth it in the grand scheme of things considering we produce MILLIONS of offspring like that fine example in schlockbuster?? NO NO NO NO NO!!!! QUIT BREEDING, PEOPLE!!!! and as god or whoever is my witness, the above was an almost word for word copy of the actual conversation. hell, i can't write dialogue THAT moronic. and if you just DON'T see what all the excitement is about on my part, go HERE for a full, in depth lesson on the evils of Pan & Scan and the joys of Widescreen. and please make sure to read ALL the way thru because on page 2 you get some lovely, glaring examples of exactly what i'm talking about.

read it, learn it, live it.
 

:: Shaman 9/17/2002 06:56:45 PM [+] ::
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two thoughts for the day, courtesy of moby (yes, that moby).... just things to consider:

nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.

and

eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
 

:: Shaman 9/17/2002 11:01:00 AM [+] ::
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WOOHOO!!! further vindication - MONK RULES!!!! apparently abc has picked it up, at least partially, for the fall season... on the OTHER hand, they're playing it up against the final season of friends... for ME, there's no choice..... a bunch of "we wish we were 20 something's but we're really 30 something characters" on a show with no new original ideas... or MONK..... monk monk monk monk monk. simple. and of course, we've got the monk marathon coming up on sunday october 13th starting at 9a..... won't miss THAT one!
 

:: Shaman 9/16/2002 12:21:12 PM [+] ::
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just a quick note of warning to dvd fans - just found out that fox is discontinuing all four alien movies on dvd on jan 31 2003.... which means if you want 'em, you'll have to buy 'em on ebay! so my advice is grab a copy now while it's affordable.... of course, again, affordable being entirely a matter of definition.... for me, no price is too high for aliens :)
 

:: Shaman 9/13/2002 11:48:36 PM [+] ::
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ladies and gents, i give you ..... suckitude.

and should i ever die of a similar cause, i hope to hell i've got the balls to say what he said -

“I’m okay with it, but it’ll be a drag if I don’t make it till the next James Bond movie comes out.”

and i guarantee you when he's being buried, the bush gene pool will still be drawing breath on this planet.

don't EVEN talk to me about fair.
 

:: Shaman 9/12/2002 11:53:40 PM [+] ::
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okay, that's it. me and gene just finished talking about this and we've both come to the same conclusion - FUCK FLORIDA!!! those people could fuck up a wet dream!!!! what we need to do is this - secede Florida from the US. make them an island unto themselves. no support, no money, nada, bupkiss! that is TWO major elections they've screwed up - NO MORE!!!!! they spent MILLIONS in the last two years on touch screens, training and so on and so on.... and they STILL made a mess of the primaries! and if everyone is worried about the whole "fifty states" thing, fine - make puerto rico a state. we'll still have 50 then. and that way florida can't rejoin the US until somebody else screws up that badly. c'mon - worst case scenario is we'll lose mostly a bunch of retirees.... and jeb bush.... and who would REALLY view that as a LOSS?!?!?!
 

:: Shaman 9/11/2002 02:58:23 PM [+] ::
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wow. a momentous day.... the FIRST time (to my knowledge) i've completely agreed with a "bush".

"Don't let your children see the images, especially on Sept. 11, when you know it'll probably be on television again and again -- the plane hitting the building or the buildings falling," Mrs. Bush said in an interview Friday with Univision, a Spanish-language TV network.

not because i don't want my child to know what's going on - she already knows... she understands thousands died... she understands who did it and why.... but why subject a child to such horrific images over and over? hell, i know adults who break down like 5 year olds when they watch the films of the planes hitting the towers.... imagine how a child might feel.... or might not.... but why take the chance.... no, i think we'll just leave the tv on cartoon network on wednesday. god knows i'm boycotting all the coverage by the media... and the (in my never humble opinion) guiltiest media corporation of all? clear channel. my own lovely masters. sigh. speaking of which.... time for me to head in to make sure everythings ready for our media blitz two days hence.....
 

:: Shaman 9/09/2002 08:00:51 AM [+] ::
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HO. LEE. SHIT. how stupid IS he?!?! or better yet, how dumb does he think WE are??!!

BUSH AND BRITISH Prime Minister Tony Blair, talking to reporters before opening about three hours of talks at Camp David, Bush’s presidential retreat in the Maryland’s Catoctin Mountains, both mentioned an International Atomic Energy Agency report from 1998 that said Saddam could be six months away from developing nuclear weapons.
“I don’t know what more evidence we need,” Bush said as he greeted Blair at Camp David, Md., for a brainstorming session on Iraq. “... We owe it to future generations to deal with this problem.”

WHAT?!?! this is the BIG evidence you've been promising you'd reveal to the world in the coming days???? NO FUCKING WAY! bush is basing iraq's nuclear readiness on a FOUR YEAR OLD REPORT?!?! this takes the cake, kids.

dubya, if you're listening, WE DIDN'T ALL COME FROM THE SAME CORRUPTED FUCKING GENE POOL YOU CRAWLED OUT OF!!!

i'm utterly and totally disgusted. if you want to read the rest of the story, go here. me, i'm gonna go watch fail-safe. or dr strangelove. or something equally befitting the situation. or then again, maybe not. maybe i'll go buy dubya a copy of black hawk down and send it to him. apparently he doesn't quite understand what fighting in the streets of baghdad is going to be like. can anyone here say "turkey shoot"?
 

:: Shaman 9/08/2002 07:46:11 AM [+] ::
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so have you heard the latest "terrorist plot" going around? the mysterious words from a mysterious arab in a mysterious grocery parking lot (okay, the parking lot wasn't really mysterious, it just sounds good) tells the kind american who gave him a dollar in line because he was short at the register (i just don't see what height has to do with this but anyway.....) - his mysterious words - "don't drink pepsi during the month of september!" (please insert annoyingly stereotypical middle eastern accent). hmmmm. well, i'm safe. i don't drink dark colas. (throw a raw steak in a pan of pepsi or coke and leave it there for a few days. see what happens.... it AIN'T pretty. now imagine that to a lesser degree going on in your stomach. ugh. thanks but no. but why do i drink mt dew?? sit down and shutthefuckup. i never said i made sense.) but this ALSO brings to mind the question - what? don't drink pepsi or pepsi PRODUCTS? cuz mt dew is a pepsi product. hmmmm. listen, if you insist on being a threatening terrorist, you're going to have to be a little more precise with your threats. that's just kind of sappy. and the dude thought he was doing her a kindness?! hell, now she's gonna walk around wondering the same question i am - pepsi or pepsi products, you wacko?!?! and we'll take it a step further - so are we talking about the shipments currently on the shelf in september.... which would mean they did something to it a few MONTHS ago..... or do they mean the stuff currently being bottled because THAT won't hit the shelf for a couple more weeks and could be ON the shelf as late as december or january!! damn these illogical terrorists!!! shit. i need a dew.

addendum 2 hours later: screw it. problem solved. i'm sticking to ale-8-1 for awhile. and for those of you who don't know what ale-8-1 is, i regret the primitive state of your being. you poor underprivileged fools.
 

:: Shaman 9/07/2002 11:40:43 AM [+] ::
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stupid, inbred, moronic asshole is at it again.

you know.... he's GONNA get us all killed.
 

:: Shaman 9/06/2002 11:08:13 AM [+] ::
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currently reading:

 

:: Shaman 9/05/2002 08:03:26 AM [+] ::
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"Life is a process of accumulating scars, both large and small, both mental and physical, until one of them finally kills you. Knowing that... believing that... is part of the process of maturation."


wow. i don't know who in the hell said that but... wow.
 

:: Shaman 9/03/2002 09:52:07 PM [+] ::
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weeeeelllll... looks like i picked the perfect time to quick snorting crank...... (that's a JOKE you assholes... THAT'S what the world needs - me on speed. oh joy.)
 

:: Shaman 9/02/2002 12:07:20 AM [+] ::
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