:: it's a scary world: rants from a chemically imbalanced mind ::

:: Thursday, April 28, 2005 ::

birthdays suck. one day closer to death. yea. THERE'S a reason to celebrate. NOW i understand why women refuse to admit their actual age. sigh. and with each passing year, a little more bitter. heh. the pills help that though. it's a balance thing. more bitter than usual today. cuz i think i'm going to plan on stopping smoking in the morning. (notice how ambiguously i worded that sentence... it's a talent, kids.) so many holes in that thought, you could drive a truck thru it. roughly translates as "we'll see how i feel in the morning.". maybe this time is the one. god i hope so. i never thought i would say it but there's really just nothing i enjoy about smoking anymore. it's pure habit at this point. not so much addiction though, at least for me. more habit. i'm USED to having it in my hands whenever i'm at the pc. i CHAIN during podcasts. i double bang smokes everytime i take a breather at work. (smoke during a breather. now THERE'S a fucking paradox.) so yea. we'll see. figure i've worked the lungs overtime for quite a few years. might as well give 'em a little vacation. notice i don't say QUIT. me being the firm believer in the fact that you can NEVER quit. once a smoker, always a smoker. but you CAN stop. the question is - for how LONG can you stop? there ARE extenuating circumstances which can affect the answer to that question. for example - if i stop, my INTENT is to stop until the day i die. BUT twere i to find out next year this time that i've got inoperable cancer and have six months? oh HELL yes i'll be smoking to beat the band within two minutes of the news. what do i care at that point about lung tumors and yellow stained fingers. hehe. and the reason i'm letting my thoughts flow so freely for the first time in weeks is basically cuz i'm relaxed (to the hilt), got a fresh cup of tea and am currently cranking zeppelin's dazed and confused.. the LIVE version from the how the west was won double live. zeppelin tends to make me efusive. but now i think my wrists begin to grow weary. so i'm gonna kick back and enjoy mister page bowing his guitar. you people have a lovely one.
 

:: Shaman 4/28/2005 09:20:00 PM [+] ::
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if you've not listened to the police's masoka tanga on a good deck in a set of good headphones, you've never really heard it.... if you can concentrate and not lose yourself in the song (not easy to do), pay close attention to the guitar parts.... damned unnerving and masterful. i dig. currently in some weird police stage where i just wanna hear their earlier reggae stuff..... kicked back with a camel (they will eventually kill me), a cup o' java and the police on my ipod. and a set of sennheiser headphones. life does have its moments.
 

:: Shaman 4/23/2005 11:20:00 PM [+] ::
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sigh. well, i had planned on no posts during the month of april. it's a month of mourning for me, so to speak. but i HATE seeing a page with NO updates whatsoever. just seems like such a waste. so... yea..... a post. and i'm done now. see ya in a few days.
 

:: Shaman 4/15/2005 12:20:00 PM [+] ::
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